So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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