I didn't shave. On purpose
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
