So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
