worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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