Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
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Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
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So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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