My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
