Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
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