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it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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