I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
