he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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