Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
