Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
