I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
