Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
