Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
