Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My vagina is officially offended.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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