Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
