So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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