I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
