My cat gives me a boner
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize