The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
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I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
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Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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