Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
