He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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