tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I love having hate sex.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Can you bring me the toilet please
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
