when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
