I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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