How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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