I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
