1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
