Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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