the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
