I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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