Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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