Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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