even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
