you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
4 words: hood of his car
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
