yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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