I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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