Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
