thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
