you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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