i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
