Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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