Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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