I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
