i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
