we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Couch. On fire.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
