I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
