i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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