Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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