i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
