Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
