I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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