Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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