remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
