So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Randomize
