I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
