He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
