I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
