so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
