you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
