Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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