He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
