It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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