Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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