It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
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