how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
