I will die if light touches me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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