we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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