fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
handjob tips. give me some.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
