wrigley field is MILF paradise
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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