Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
