Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
