He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Randomize
