as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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