Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize