I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
