i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
