I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
