we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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