you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
